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Question: "How should Christian parents handle a teen daughter who has become pregnant?"
Answer:
It seems that one of the hardest things for Christians to remember is
that it is not a sin to be pregnant. It’s not a sin to be pregnant out
of wedlock. And it’s not a sin to be born to unmarried parents. It is a
sin to have sex outside the marriage relationship—and it is just as much
a sin for the man as for the woman. But an unbiblical intimate
relationship is a much easier thing to hide from critical eyes than a
pregnancy and, sadly, less damaging to a family’s reputation in the
Christian community.
As disappointing and overwhelming as it may be to learn a teenage
daughter is pregnant, it’s crucial to keep a kingdom perspective. The
sin is done. Whatever influences the teens have been under to lead them
to sin can’t be avoided now. This new situation is not about the
morality of out-of-wedlock sex or the reputation of a family. It’s about
the development of a child. All children are blessings from God, and He
has a plan for each one (Psalm 139:13-18).
Even if the circumstances in which the baby comes may be less than
ideal, that child is as precious and loved by God as any other.
The pregnant daughter is also precious to God. The role of parents is to
teach and guide their children to live godly lives in whatever they
face. This is a prime opportunity to do just that. The girl may be
scared, ashamed, and emotional, and it is her parents’ responsibility to
help her push past emotion and turn to her Heavenly Father.
Some parents fear that giving their daughter the love and support she
needs will encourage the behavior that led to the pregnancy. But, again,
being pregnant and giving birth to a child is not a sin, and there are
so many other benefits to actively and publicly standing with a pregnant
teen. It fosters an environment in which the child is valued as a
blessing. It encourages the father to take responsibility without fear.
And it makes abortion look like a much less desirable option.
If a family abandons their pregnant teen—even emotionally—she will be
much more likely to make harmful decisions. She may think marrying the
baby’s father is the only option. She may not know how to take care of
her health and that of the baby. Other pregnant teens may see the
volatile relationship and keep their own condition secret.
Conversely, the girl will be able to make much wiser decisions about her
and her baby’s future if she can rest in her parents’ acceptance and
loving guidance. Making this journey more emotionally difficult for her
will not encourage clear thinking. Wise parents will help their daughter
walk through the options of keeping the child or adoption. It may also
be beneficial to involve the father and his family; he needs to take as
much ownership as the mother. After careful prayer, parents should be
clear about the level of support they can give in raising the child.
Make use of Christian crisis pregnancy centers.
Our God is a powerful God who can bring joy and blessing even out of our
sin. There may be incredibly tough times ahead for the pregnant teen
and her family, but our God is the God who redeems.
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